HOW TO LEAD THE HOUSEHOLDER'S LIFE
Varnashrama
Varnashrama is practically extinct now. Everyone is a Vaishya or Bania only with greed for accumulation of wealth by hook or crook. Almost all Brahmins and Kshatriyas are Banias or Vaishyas only. There is no real Brahmin or Kshatriya in these days. They want money anyhow. This is the fundamental cause for the downfall of man.Give up the idea of superiority and inferiority. Don't bother much about caste, creed, Gotra, religion, Sampradaya and all other kinds of useless differences which divide man from man.
He who is endowed with Sattvic Guna is a real Brahmin. A Rajasic man is a Kshatriya. A Tamasic man is a Sudra. Even in one family, there will be a Brahmin, a Kshatriya and a Sudra.
If a man born in Sudra family is devoted to Hari, he is a real Brahmin. If a Brahmin has no devotion and if he spends his life in eating, drinking and amusing only, he is a real Sudra. Brother, why do you ask a man's caste, rank, position, status, etc.? If he is devoted to the Lord, he is very dear to Him, he is the best man in the three worlds. All Devas worship him.
A man who speaks the truth, who is merciful and liberal, who has Kshama and Santi, who is free from fear, wrath and greed, who is innocent and loving is really God or Brahmin. He is the real Brahmin. Those who are destitute of the above virtues are Sudras only.
As long as a man identifies himself with some Varna or Ashrama he regards others also as belonging to some Varna or Ashrama. Consequently he makes a distinction between man and man. The Vedas prescribe duties for a man who has got the notion of difference or distinction. When a man develops equal vision, when he looks upon with an equal eye on a Brahmin, cow, and an outcaste, when he beholds the one Atman everywhere and all beings in the Self and within himself, he becomes a Jivanmukta or a liberated sage. The Vedas do not certainly make a rule for him. He is above rules and restrictions. So long as one makes any difference between man and man, the duties of Varna and Ashrama should be respected and practised.
Distinctions of caste, creed, colour have absolutely no place in matters of faith. A true devotee recognises the equality of all men. All servants of God are brothers in his eyes. Raidas, a cobbler; Nandan, a Harijan; Gora, a potter; Rakha, a potter; Chokmela, a Mahar; the lowest of the low; Kabir, a weaver—were very great devotees. They were dear to the Lord. When the inner eye of wisdom is opened, when the aspirant is bathed in the divine nectar of immortality, when he beholds oneness everywhere, when he recognises his Lord in every atom of the universe, where are castes, creed and colour? It is the fleshy, dirty eye of a worldly minded man that perceives these illusory distinctions.
When one Atman dwells in all living beings, then why do you hate others? Why do you sneer and frown at others? Why do you become indignant towards others? Why do you use harsh words? Why do you try to rule and domineer over others? Why do you exploit others? Why are you intolerant? Is this not the height of your folly? Is this not sheer ignorance? Get wisdom and rest in peace.
It is impossible to unite Mohammedans and Hindus. Kabir tried to unite them but failed. Mahatma Gandhiji attempted to bring concord amongst them, but all his efforts proved futile.
The only uniting cord is Self realisation. Look at the Advaitic feeling of a Mohammedan Sufistic Fakir and his universal love!
Householder's Life
Marriage is not a mere contract, but a sacrament or a solemn obligation between the bridegroom and the bride, by which they lead a virtuous life and attain the goal of existence.
A householder who lives with his wife is a second class aspirant for Brahma Vidya. He who lives alone is a first class aspirant (Uttama Adhikari).
Material advancement, aspirations in material life, and family worries prey upon householders and materially retard their daily routine and spiritual practices.
A religious husband and a worldly wife always move in diametrically opposite poles. They cannot enjoy a happy home. The former pulls upwards while the latter drags downwards. There will be always a tug of war between them.
Sometimes the house becomes a hell, when there is no religious unity between husband and wife. If the husband is religious, the irreligious wife does not allow him to study religious books, to sit for meditation, to visit holy places of pilgrimage, to practise Brahmacharya and to have Satsanga with great souls. She is afraid that he may become a Sannyasin even though he gives a solemn pledge that he will not do so. There are always quarrels in the house between the husband and wife. The husband has no peace of mind even though he earns a decent sum and has got all earthly comforts. The wife threatens the husband: "I will burn all your religious books, as the study of these books only has produced a change in you and you are neglecting me and do not take any interest in household affairs. I will throw stones at the head of the man who has written these books and has inspired you to take recourse to Yogic practices. Fools only practise Yoga."
How can a man live happily with such an illiterate and irreligious wife? It is the duty of the husband to train his wife also in the religious line. She must do some Japa, Kirtan. She must study religious books such as Ramayana, Bhagavata, Mahabharata. She must take recourse to occasional fasting. He must take her to places of pilgrimage and attend discourses and, Kathas done by Mahatmas. The wife must help the husband in his religious and Yogic practices. Then only the house will be a blessed place and worth living.
Some have taken Sannyasa on account of the bad behaviour of their wives and their hindrances in their Yogic practices at home. If they had allowed their husbands to continue their practices and helped them in their Sadhana, they would have remained in the Grihasta Ashram. It is the duty of intelligent girls to cooperate with their husbands in leading a religious life at home. Then only both can lead a life of peace and happiness at home. The scriptures declare: "Without religion, a house is a burial ground though it is a palace." May there be temperamantal and psychological and spiritual unity between the husband and wife. May the husband help the wife and vice versa in religious and Yogic practices. May God realisation be their watchword. May purity be their maxim. May Dharma be their guide!The husband also should not interfere with the religious practices of his wife. He should help her in all possible ways in her spiritual evolution and purity of life.
It is due to the veil of ignorance that you have forgotten your real essential nature, the Sat chit ananda state. It is not at all necessary for you to renounce the world and run to some Himalayan cave to regain your lost divinity. Here is an easy Sadhana by which you can definitely attain God consciousness, even while living in the world amidst multifarious activities. You need not necessarily have a separate room for meditation or fix some time for meditation. Close your eyes for a minute or two once in every two hours and think of God and His various Divine qualities—mercy, love, joy, knowledge, purity, perfection and so forth repeating mentally Hari Om or Sri Ram or Ram Ram or Krishna Krishna or any other Mantra according to your taste. This should be done even during the night whenever you happen to get up from bed to micturate or on any other account. Though you are not in the habit of getting up from sleep, you should do this practice at least occasionally, when you slightly change your posture during sleep. This sort of habit will come only by repeated practice.
Write Hari Om twelve times at the top of every letter. As you and your wife have not understood the glory of Brahmacharya and ideal divine life while remaining in the world as householders, and as your intellect is rendered blunt by burning passions, you can live for some time as a householder taking always due care to preserve the Veerya which is life itself.
It will be too early for you to renounce the world now. All affairs should be settled properly. You must have the sinews of war to enter the Nivritti Marga. You have neither knowledge nor experience of this life. Prepare yourself gradually and save money. You should not repent after taking up this path. You will encounter some other difficulties in this path. Look before you leap. God realisation is more easy of attainment while remaining in the world, if one leads a well regulated and disciplined life. Renounce egoism and desires. This constitutes real renunciation or Sannyasa.
Those who want to renounce the world and take to pure Nivritti Marga should prepare themselves for one or two years while they are in the world. They should discipline the body and the Indriyas and lead a simple life of endurance. They should observe the rules of Sannyasa.
Careful study of Narada Parivrajaka Upanishad which treats of the life of a Sannyasi will be of immense help to them.
While remaining in the world save as much money as possible. Even Sannyasins want money in these days. Times have entirely changed. Those who desire to lead the Nivritti Marga must have their own money. They must have their economical independence. It is hard to get Bhiksha in these days.
If you are a widower and have no other ties, all shackles are broken. Will you fly to Brahman now? Strive tenaciously. Struggle hard. Renounce the world. Do Sadhana.
At least you must spend a few years of your later part of life in peace, Ananda and in pure meditation by leading a Vanaprastha or Sannyasa life. To get oneself entangled in the meshes of Maya till the last breath goes is simply foolishness. Enough of this earthly life. Are you not really fed up, my dear friend Krishna, with this miserable mundane existence? You yourself have created the miseries.Try to retire from service as soon as possible. Get out of the world and become a Vanaprastha. So long as there is the nose, there will be some discharge or other. To spend one hour in meditation and fifteen hours in worldly gossip will not bring out fruits of meditation. You must get yourself plunged in the Brahmic consciousness always. Life is short. Time is fleeting. Awake, arise. Get Vairagya of the superior type. Increase your Japa and the period of meditation.
Advice to Ladies
Ladies can have Darshan of God easily, if they turn their minds towards the spiritual path, as the element of love is predominant in them. Sneha Vritti is more developed in them.
O Vidya, would you not like to become a Mira? Mira was driven from the palace by her husband. She was very young. Did He not take care of her? When she was about to drown herself in a river according to the orders of her cruel husband, the Lord held her up on His lap. Will He not do the same thing for you? Have full trust in Him and be at ease.
Devotion to husband is the greatest form of worship for women. It is the one great religion for them. The husband may be wretched, poor, diseased or old. Those who wish to attain eternal bliss, should serve their husbands with intense faith and love.
A female is able to attract even a sage and turn his mind towards sensuality. She is Sakti although she is styled as Abala (weakling). Nowadays we have lady barristers, lady doctors with British degrees, lady Council or Assembly members, lady orators, lady professors.Grace, modesty and chastity (Pativrata Dharma) are the fundamental virtues of a lady. Savitri and Anasuya were ideal Grahasti Dharminis. Ladies should follow their example.
It is better to copy the good from everybody. The West has something to learn from the East and vice versa. There are many virtues in an Englishman. Indian boys, instead of imbibing many of the virtues of an Englishman, have absorbed many vile habits only. Hindu ladies on account of the so called modern civilisation have unsexed themselves and become more masculine. They have lost the grace and the modesty of the feminine.
Even a little understanding and practice of Yoga will render life easier to bear and death easier to face. Yoga is not for the learned—it is for all. Even ladies can practise Yoga. Even ladies can practise Asanas and Pranayamas. Queen Chudala was a Yogini. Ladies can attain success in Yoga rapidly if they once make a firm resolve and develop Vairagya.
The impressions strike deep root in the brain of the foetus that dwells in the womb. If the pregnant woman does Japa, Kirtan, if she studies religious books and leads a pious life during pregnancy, the foetus is endowed with spiritual Samskaras or impressions, and is born as a child with spiritual inclinations or spiritual tendency.
Worldlings desire for children. This is a strong Vasana. Children are the source of miseries of all sorts. Have Viveka (discrimination). Destroy this Putra Ishana. Desire for Atman and Atman alone. You will get everything there. You will get complete satisfaction (Purna Tripti) in Atman only.
The ignorant worldly man has intense clinging or attachment and love for his wife, children, friends, relatives, house, property, cows, wealth, gardens, dress, gold, bungalows, money. A devotee has a tremendous clinging or attachment or love for God and God alone. He lives for Him alone, he works for Him alone.
The Prakriti aspect is more in females. Hence it is very difficult for them to have Vairagya.
Visit places of pilgrimage such as Prayaga, Nasik, Benares, Haridwar, Rishikesh, Badrinarayan, Rameshvar, Brindavan and Ayodhya. Pay your respects to Sadhus, Mahatmas and Sannyasins. Approach them with fruits in hand. Never go with empty hands. You will get Bhakti soon.
The intense yearning of the heart to attain God is love or supreme devotion. Mira had this love. The Gopis of Brindavavan also had this love. They completely lost themselves in Lord Krishna. They forgot their home, husband and children. They were unconscious of their body.
Some left their houses while milking the cow. Some left their houses when they were serving their husbands with food. Some did not take down the boiled rice from the fire. Some did not wait till the milk got boiled. Some had been giving milk to their children. Some were taking food. Some were serving the guests with food. But they all left their work half finished. Their clothes, hair and ornaments were all in disorder. They ran to behold Sri Krishna. Lord Krishna was their very Prana and soul. They could not bear separation even for a second.
Just as you have no Kama (passion) when you look at your mother, so also Lord Krishna did Rasa Lila with Gopis in Brindavan without any passion. The secret teaching of Rasa Lila is that people can attain salvation while doing various activities in the world, while enjoying in the sense universe by fixing the mind at the Lotus Feet of the Lord and by surrendering all the fruits of actions at His Lotus Feet unconditionally.
Training of Children
Father and mother only are responsible for the character of their children. If the parents are irreligious, their children also become irreligious. It is the onerous duty of parents to give their children religious training in their boyhood. They should themselves lead the divine life. When religious Samskaras are lodged in boyhood, they will strike deep root, blossom and bear fruit when they attain manhood.
Madalasa was a Jnani. She converted all her sons into Jnanins. She used to sing "Suddhosi, buddhosi, niranjanosi—O child, thou art pure, all knowing, spotless." When she was rocking the cradle of her children, the children imbibed along with the milk of the mother, the Vedantic teachings also and became sages. All ladies should follow the example of Madalasa and train their children in the path of righteousness and truth.
Impressions formed at an early age strike roots deep down into one's own nature. It is the most onerous duty of parents to create religious impressions in the minds of their children by telling them stories from Ramayana, Bhagavata, by making them do Kirtan and recite prayers. They should give them Sanskrit education. They should make them perform Sandhya regularly in the morning, noon and evening and study Gita, Ramayana, etc., and do Japa daily. If parents neglect to perform this duty, their sons will become irreligious and wicked.
The father who gives ill advice to his son is not worthy of reverence. There is no sin disobeying the parents, when they want to ruin their son by giving wrong counsels. It is a great sin, if the father tries to unsettle the mind of his religious minded son, who wants to do Bhajan, who is dispassionate and who has no attraction for the worldly objects. It is a crime if he attempts to pull him down to sensual grooves, if he does not allow him to rise up in the spiritual plane.
If a father has four sons, he must willingly allow one of his sons to devote himself entirely to spiritual pursuits and lead his life in Nivritti Marga. This son will be able to guide the members of his family in the path of spirituality after he has made some progress in the line. He will stay with them and radiate joy, peace and strength to them and elevate them from the quagmire of Samsara. But in these days, the father desires that all his sons should become doctors, civilians and barristers. He does not like that any of his sons should tread the path of truth. He is afraid that his sons will become a Sannyasin when he sees him studying Gita. He puts many obstacles in the spiritual growth of his son, when he has inclination in this line, and forces him to marry. That is the reason why a worldly minded father is always miserable even though his sons are in good position. A spiritual son is a valuable asset to the family.
"Do not neglect the duties towards the gods and forefathers. May the mother be thy God (Matru devo bhava). May the father be thy God (Pitru devo bhava). May the preceptor be thy God (Acharya devo bhava). May the guest be thy God (Atithi devo bhava). Do such actions as are blameless, not others. Those that are good works to us, they should be performed by thee, none else." —Manu.
Perform worship of Atman at all times. Live a regulated life. Mould your character. Develop noble and virtuous behaviour. Be righteous and do work for the good of others. Be devoted to your preceptor. Live under life long vows. Develop compassion, pure love, forbearance, harmlessness, power of concentration. Be generous. Be charitable. You will soon attain Self realisation.
Serve and love. Give and relinquish. Tolerate and endure. Restrain and subdue. Forget and forgive. Adjust and adapt. Persevere and plod. Aspire and purify. Reflect and enquire.
Discriminate and concentrate. Meditate and realise. May you attain Kaivalya.
Here is the essence of the teachings of the Vedas: "Serve. Love. Give. Control (mind and the senses). Be pure. Be good. Do good. Be kind." Do not enter into hot discussion about the existence of God, the why and how and the riddle of life and universe. Practise sincerely the above teachings. You will soon attain peace of mind and salvation. Constantly repeat these Mantras or formulae daily and note how far you are able to put them into daily practice.
Do your duty to father, mother, wife, son, relations, friends, religious teachers, society and country. Do not be troubled by worldly cares, worries, anxieties, by sorrow or misfortune. Endeavour to remain calm and self restrained amidst the vicissitudes of life. Discipline the mind. Have a balanced mind. You will have to struggle hard to attain this state of mind.
Constant service of parents alone with divine Bhava can liberate a man from the round of births and deaths. Pundarika spent his whole life in serving his old parents day and night. When Pundarika was serving his parents, Lord Krishna appeared before him. He did not pay much attention to Lord Krishna. He threw down a few bricks for the Lord to stand upon and went on with the service of his parents. When the service was over, he came to Lord Krishna and worshipped Him.Srutis also declare: "Matrudevo bhava. Pitrudevo bhava." May the mother be thy God. May the father be thy God. Sadhan, the butcher of Maharashtra was also highly devoted to his parents.
Vanaprastha Life
If you have finished the period of householder's life, if your sons are all well fixed up in life, you must prepare yourself for the next stage of life, viz., Vanaprastha life. What is the use of repeating again and again the same process of eating, drinking, talking, dressing? You must achieve the summum bonum of existence. You must attain freedom or perfection. It is very difficult to get a human birth. This life is meant for Self realisation. What is the difference between a man and a beast, if man continues the sensual life till his life ends? God has given man powers of discrimination, reflection and Vichara Sakti. He must utilise these powers for attaining God consciousness.
You and your wife can both lead the life of a Vanaprastha. If your wife is much attached to her children, you alone can lead the life of a Vanaprastha. Remain in a solitary place which has a temperate climate and devote your time to study and Japa and meditation. If you have a tendency to serve the society, you can work for two or three hours with the spirit of Nishkamya Karma Yoga without the idea of agency and without expectation of fruits. This will purify your heart quickly and prepare you for the descent of the Divine Light.
He who leads the life of a Vanaprastha, should not again go to his native place and live with his son. The subtle form of Moha and attachment will soon develop. Maya's ways are very mysterious. It is Moha that brings a man again and again to this Mrityu Loka, world of death. Moha is a strong weapon of Maya. The joy and sorrow of your family people will disturb your peace of mind. That is the reason why it is said in the Sastras that a Vanaprastha or a Sannyasin should not visit his own native place or native district or Province for a period of twelve years.
If you find it difficult to lead the life of seclusion, remain in a solitary room in your own house or put a thatched hut in the corner of the compound. Do not mix much with your family members. Have your interview time between 4 and 5 p.m. During the interview period, talk on spiritual subjects only. Conduct Kirtan and Gita or Upanishadic class. If you can conveniently manage, live in a separate house and have a cook or ask your people to send your meals to your room.
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